Be Curious, Not Judgmental

I love the quote from Anne Lamott’s book Bird by Bird, which states, “you can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” While it makes me chuckle, it is also convicting, especially during the election cycle. A certain demographic of voters elected an administration that has caused harm to our nation, the vulnerable in our society, and to people I love. And while I may not hate them for it, I find it difficult to love them as Christ calls me to. I am guessing that I am not the only one who struggles with this.

Last week I presented on how congregations can prepare for elections, and a participant confessed they are struggling to build a coalition for the midterm elections but “only seem to want to join in conversations now because their vote has hurt them personally.” They shared this truth, hoping I could help them find a way through their internal struggle. I started by acknowledging their struggle, and then shared what I am trying to practice—curiosity and questions.

Long before Ted Lasso shared the wisdom of “be curious, not judgmental,” Jesus showed us how to enter into conversation with those who might not be acting in good faith. Be curious. Ask questions. Find out what has prompted their personal change. And, like Jesus, use a story that can broaden their perspective and help them make deeper connections. His parables challenged the listener in a way that invited reflection and transformation. Perhaps this moment in history calls for a similar approach.

Does this mean we should enter into conversations with those who will perpetuate harm? Will everyone change? No. Pew Research shows us that 21% of “right anchors” and 17% of “left anchors” are unlikely to be persuaded by conversation. They are not seeking transformation. But it should encourage us to see that a large majority of people are willing to engage in good faith.

How do we move forward? The research suggests that “to build winning coalitions, they must address the concerns of people who don’t fully support either party’s agenda.” We may not be able to move people from the extremes, but we can find new connections by connecting with those who share our values.

Polls reveal what matters to voters as we approach next month’s elections. And while they all have nuances, there is some consistency about the top issues. Voters worry about the cost of living, health care, and leadership that will respond to their concerns. These are issues the church has historically approached through a scriptural framework, and issues on which we can find common ground.

We have an opportunity to lean into curiosity. To follow Christ means engaging in questioning and storytelling. To claim shared values and to engage in a process that starts with the midterms and leads us into relationship-building to start the long path of healing for our nation and for all of those who have been harmed.